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freedomfighter4

To nice for my own good
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Almost . . .

1 min read
 
    It has been a while since my last journal post so I figured I would update it.  Mostly I'm writing in an attempt to fight the urge to post the first couple chapters of my newest story tonight.  I hit the 130 page mark earlier today and I stated to be driven nearly mad with the desire to start posting.  I promised myself that I wouldn't post anything at all until I was completely done with the story.  But it's so frigging hard!  I'm monstrously proud of this bit o'fiction and having to sit on it like I am is very difficult.  I haven't posted a story in so long.  And I want to . . . especially now that I have so much to post!  I keep reminding myself that at the very least I have to settle on a title before I give in to temptation.  Titles have always been tricky for me. 

 So I'll try not to post.  I really will.  No promises though, there may be some chapters hitting dA very soon.        
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Incoming Fandom

3 min read
 
  So . . . I've been pretty inactive here on dA for a long time.  In total honesty I was pretty inactive with writing in general for way too long.  I've tried to kindle that old flame of the Sonic fandom for months . . . years.  And it just isn't clicking anymore.  I didn't want to let go, I've been writing these characters for a decade.  But, slowly the realization that if I wanted to write I needed a new subject became unavoidable.  I didn't know what I wanted to write about at first.  I have interests, shows that I watch, but the urge to write about them didn't exist.  The Walking Dead is great, one of my favorites, but I have zero interest in writing fanfiction for it.  The X-Files is coming back, albeit for a short time.  The first written words to ever tumble from my brain onto a computer screen were about aliens and government conspiracies and my two beloved F.B.I. agents.  It will always hold a special place in my heart, but again, I don't really want to write about it.  It seems I tapped that well dry too . . . even if I don't have any work to show for it, time having stolen the hundreds of pages I wrote on the fandom.

   In the end, it was when I stopped looking that something sparked my interest.  A show I had never before actively sought out to watch.  It was my daughter who had requested a set of DVD's for Christmas a couple years back and it was she that sat down to watch it one afternoon on the TV in the living room instead of horded in her bedroom like she usually did.  And as I sat and watched, that old flame started to smolder.  And then it caught fire.  The next thing I knew I was writing.  Writing two stories at the same time actually, just like I could back in the golden age of my fanfiction production.  And there is no slowing in sight. 

  One story is fifty pages long, the other coming in just under thirty.  I have elected to focus heaviest on one, wanting to finish it completely before posting chapters of it and the second story here and on fanfiction.net.  For the first time in a long time I'm interested in writing again and it feels so good.  And what is this fandom?  Feel free to guess . . .  everyone will see soon enough.  

                            
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   I was so startled this evening to read the news that Robin Williams has died.  I was certain for a moment that it was one of those awful hoaxes that often buzz around the internet.  I really hoped that it was.

  This man was a huge part of my childhood.  An old and reliable friend that made the world a more jovial place to be.  He made the world laugh.  It fills me with infinite sadness to know he struggled so much with depression and addiction.  They are both ugly demons that I have seen far to closely.  They can batter and wear even the strongest among us down into shadow.  It is a testament to Mr. Williams tenacity that he weathered so well and so long the storm that swirled endlessly around him.

 I am reminded of a poignant moment in the movie "Hook" in which Robin played the role of Peter Pan.  A Peter who had left Neverland.  He grew into a man and the world weigh heavy upon him.  I recall the scene in which the Lost Boys reject him, seeing only the tired, bare-thread man he had become.  They retreat from him . . . save one.  The smallest of the Boys touches his face with his tiny hands.  He soothes away the wrinkles and lines of worry.  He pushes them back and looks deep into his eyes.  The tiny boy smiles and whispers "There you are."

  May eternity see a great man for exactly what he was . . . a great man.  May whatever wondrous mystery that awaits him and us all sooth away the lines of worry and the wrinkles that reside upon the soul so that we can look upon ourselves anew and whisper "There you are."                
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Spring

1 min read
   Really looking forward to warm weather!  Spring has always made me feel so full of hope, like anything in the world is possible.   
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Love Sick

1 min read
     For the first time in years this Valentine's day I am not sick of love.  Instead I find myself rather love sick.  Longing gnaws at my heart and mind like insistent moths slowing eating away at cloth.  Leaving holes and thread bare places in great abundance.  It's such an odd emotion, one that I'm not sure I've ever felt before . . . at least not as deeply as I find myself feeling it now.  There is a strange magic in that moment that loving someone becomes being IN love with someone.  It isn't something they said or did.  It was somehow nothing and everything all at once.  A simple shift in awareness perhaps. 

    Life is nothing if not complex though.  Still its nice to feel so much again.  Even if things never work out the way I wish they would I will be forever grateful for the ability to love.                                          
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Almost . . . by freedomfighter4, journal

Incoming Fandom by freedomfighter4, journal

Loss of Laughter by freedomfighter4, journal

Spring by freedomfighter4, journal

Love Sick by freedomfighter4, journal